I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
