It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
