You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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