True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
