My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
