quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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