god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize