Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize