The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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