I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
