In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
