I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
