Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have aggressive nipples.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
