well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
