and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
