you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you inspire me to be a worse person
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
