A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
