I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize