Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
