Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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