Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
