tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The best revenge is premature balding
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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