I hate your face
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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