She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
