Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
