She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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