I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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