You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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