i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
