we have pet lesbian snakes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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