tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
