I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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