So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
