Non-Jews are for practice
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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