I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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