Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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