Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
