What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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