a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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