Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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