I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
