I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
