went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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