Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
