I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
