Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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