He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
