i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
