4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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