It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
