my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
