His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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