$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
