I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
