i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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