Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize