Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
