who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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