Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
