LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
