Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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