OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
