she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
