when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
