Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
