So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
