It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
