you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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